AUTHOR NOTES: First off, I make no claims that I own the rights of any of the Invader Zim characters. Red, Purple, Invader Scooge, the Slaughtering Rat People, S.I.R.s, the planets Irk, Conventia, and Blorch, and the whole Invader Zim concept are the property of the Most Holy of Humanoids, Mr. Jhonen Vasquez, as well as his posse at Nickelodeon. Citizen Koz and Pilot Ronk are just characters I made up for this story.
Secondly, a warning: this is a Red/Purple “yaoi” lemon. If the thought of two male cartoon characters having sex bothers you in any way, much less characters with alien anatomy systems, hit the “Back” button on your Internet browser RIGHT NOW.
For those of you still here, on with the fun.....
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Nightfall on Irk One
An Invader Zim fanfic by Apricot the Gerbil
Citizen Koz paused a moment before approaching the doorway of the Irken vessel’s piloting room. He stifled a heavy gulp of awe, thinking to himself, This is it! I’ve finally managed to get an assignment on Irk One! He let off an involuntary nervous shiver upon stepping through the door. I *gotta* make sure I do a good job... it wouldn’t speak well of my height if I screwed up on my first day here...
Koz’s anxiety could only be expected for any Irken citizen hired to work on such a lauded spacecruiser. Irk One was the only ship in the entire Irken Empire chosen to be the off-planet dwelling-place of the mighty Empire’s two leaders. Hardly anyone was fortunate enough to make the annual journey to Conventia to hear The Almighty Tallest give speeches and declare new laws, much less have the opportunity to meet the pair in person.
Therefore, Koz was slightly confused by the lackluster expressions of the pilots on board. He couldn’t understand why these fellow Irkens weren’t feeling the same pride he was presently swimming in. Nevertheless, he thought as he approached the nearest pilot, I mustn’t allow my emotions to interfere with my duty here.
“C-Citizen Koz reporting, with the latest status of Operation Impending Doom II, SIR!!” Koz barked, snapping to attention as he addressed the pilot before him.
“Hm?” the pilot murmured, swiveling around in his chair. “Reports? No, no, you want him, over there. The one in the green chair. I just pick up transmissions.”
“Oh-- I’m sorry!” Koz stammered, blushing faintly at his mistake. He bowed slightly, then scurried to the Irken he had been directed to. Repeating his previous statement to the back of the green chair, Koz was relieved to see the recognition on the face of the pilot that turned to face him.
“Let’s hear what you’ve got, citizen,” the pilot’s voice boomed.
“Ah-- oh yes! Um...” Koz said, hurriedly ruffling through his notes. “Status reports show that as of 3800 hours yesterday, one of the second squadron’s Invaders was the first to successfully subdue their assigned planet, and...”
“Wait-- only a week after the Assigning? Which Invader was that?”
Koz scanned his packet of reports, then looked up, replying, “Invader Scooge, SIR!!”
The pilot’s face twisted into a disbelieving stare. “Scooge?! The short one? Wasn’t he the one sent to Planet Blorch?”
Another check of the notes. “Yes, sir. He managed to conquer the entire population of the planet within the first week.”
“The Slaughtering Rat People? How?! I mean, those things are a bunch of pointy teeth that run around on four legs!”
“It appears that the Rats were wiped out by some innate Irken weapon called ‘germs’, SIR!!”
The pilot paused. “Germs?”
“SIR, yes, SIR!! There weren’t many details available, but apparently these weapons were deployed when Invader Scooge sneezed on a pack of Rats he was running away from in terror. Umm... but there’s good news and bad news about the conquest, SIR!!”
“What’s the good news?”
“The entire population of Planet Blorch has been eliminated since the surrender, and there’s ample evidence that the planet is still very hospitable to Irkenkind, SIR!!”
“Hm. Make a note of that, Citizen. We should investigate the possibility of this new weapon. What’s the bad news?”
“Unfortunately, Invader Scooge didn’t manage to run away from an infected Rat Person soon enough, and... well..... it fell on him.” Koz’s face brightened as he continued, “But we’ve picked up the entire incident on his assigned S.I.R. model’s video/audio feed, and it looks really funny! His face is all, like, ‘AAAAAUGH!!’ and the Rat just topples right ont--”
“That’ll do, Citizen.” the pilot said, sounding as bored as if these sort of things happened all the time. Perhaps... Koz thought, but he quickly shooed the thought from his mind. When the pilot asked, “Anything else to report?” Koz shook his head.
“Well, it’s still pretty big news. The Tallest will want to know about this...” the seated soldier mused. He considered the fact with a look bordering on disgust, then called across the room to another pilot: “Hey, Ronk! We’ve got another report for the Tallest! Do you wanna take this one?”
“Awww... why do you guys always make me take the reports to them?” Ronk whined, crossing her arms as she slumped in her gray-metal chair. “You’ve made me do that for the last six reports, you know!”
The first pilot scowled slightly, then looked down upon Koz’s face, which was practically glowing with anticipation. The small Citizen began hurriedly squealing, “Do you think it’d be possible-- would you consider-- oh, please, pleeeeze-- could I take the message to the Tallest?!”
The pilot continued his solemn stare at Koz, a wide grin slowly forming on his face as he considered the Citizen’s gleeful proposal. At last, he replied, “Of course you can. Why, we’d be honored if you’d do that.”
Koz cheered with joy, leaping into the air in his own little victory dance. Finally! He could meet the Almighty Tallest, the leaders he’d been hearing about since the day he’d been newly woken from his birthing-tube! He hummed a cheery tune under his breath as he darted down the hall Ronk directed him through, until he was standing before the doors of the Tallest’s quarters.
Ronk seemed in a hurry to leave Koz standing there, for some reason. He didn’t understand why, but as he stood there trembling before the prospect of meeting two universally-championed celebrities, he was sure he could hear the sounds of frustrated squabbling behind the door. I guess The Tallest are meeting with a diplomat or something, Koz thought as he pressed his gloved finger onto the control panel by the doors’ edge. The distinctive chime of a requested meeting rang from the panel.
The faint arguing stopped. Koz stood there shivering for a few seconds before the panel’s small intercom crackled to life, transmitting a gruff “What is it now?” from inside the quarters.
Koz could feel his squeedly-spooch twist. He didn’t expect the Tallest to sound so angry. In a stammering voice, he replied, “The latest Invader status report, SI--er, My Tallest!!”
A quick pause, then a weary reply from a different voice, deeper despite being cluttered by the intercom-static: “Fine. Just slip it through the door. That’ll be all for now, soldier.” With this, a small slot raised itself up from the base of one of the doors.
Momentarily stunned at the speedy shun, Koz sighed and whisked the thin packet of notes through the slot, backing up as it slammed shut immediately afterwards. Though he was disappointed at not being able to see his heroes, Koz resumed his cheery whistling as he returned to the main piloting hall, his head held tall. Even such a simple exchange was enough honor for now.
After all, Koz thought with a smile, this is only my first day of the job!
******************
Red and Purple watched the packet of reports plop onto the floor of their quarters with disinterest. They quickly turned to face each other again, Red looking at Purple resume his pacing while he himself remained reclining in his scarlet chair.
“You see? That’s exactly the kind of thing I was just telling you about!” Purple sputtered, gesturing toward the door with a clawed finger. “We’ve got so many planets under our rule by now, you just never know when someone’s going to just barge in with a status report or something!”
“But I just don’t get it. What are you so worried about?” Red asked. “You know the soldiers running this ship know about us.”
“It’s not just the Irk One soldiers anymore... that’s what’s bugging me. Or did you happen to already forget the little pranks you kept playing at the Great Assigning last week?” Purple replied, lowering his left eye.
Red shrugged, a slight smile spreading across his face. “Hey, I said I was sorry about that. I just couldn’t help it-- you look so cute when you’re trying to keep looking all composed in front of the crowd.”
“You didn’t have to use the strongest laser there!” Purple muttered, blushing at the memory. “I mean, the front of my armor was starting to stick up! It’s just embarrassing!”
“Well, you didn’t have to take it out on the Invader recruits afterwards by chucking the S.I.R. models at them, you know.”
“Oh-- nah, that was just for fun.”
“Gotta make sure they earn their Invader rank?” Red smirked.
Purple’s reply was only a low “Hmph.”
Red leaned back in his seat, still smiling. “Well, you already know my feelings on the whole subject-- I figure, if you’ve actually got the rank to have your ovipositors implanted, why not show it off? Not all of it. You don’t need to do any more than what you were doing last week at Conventia. Keep the ceremonial armor on, but let ‘em wonder. Just don’t get all bent out of shape about it.” Red paused to reach for the cup of glucosygen-water [or, in Earth terms, like the nutrition of a meal in the form of a soda-pop] resting on the small table next to him, and sipped noisily from the straw, letting the sound act as punctuation.
“Well... just so long as you don’t try that laser stunt when we’re in public anymore.” Purple replied.
“Okay. It’s a deal.” Red drank from his cup a moment longer before placing it back on the table, pausing in thought. “You know, that reminds me...” he remarked, a sly sparkle in his eye. “We don’t have anything scheduled for the rest of the day, do we?”
Purple crossed his arms, letting his remaining frustration veil itself in feigned ignorance. “That’s right. What’s your point?”
“Oh, I think you know what my point is,” Red smirked, rolling his eyes. “If you won’t believe that I’m sorry about the laser thing on Conventia, then at least I can make it up to you by having some fun with them when no one can see us...”
Purple raised his brow, interested despite himself. “And how would you propose going about that?”
Red simply continued smiling, saying not a word as he stood from his chair and hovered towards Purple. He laid a clawed hand on Purple’s shoulder and beckoned him towards the couch at the far end of the room. Purple knew what was on Red’s mind. As he often found himself doing, Purple shook his head in wonder-- how well his partner fit the description of the more impulsive, direct nature associated with the blazing Irken eye-color that was Red’s namesake!
Purple’s mind didn’t have much time to wander, however. As he allowed Red to lead him to the couch, he felt his partner’s fingers unsnap the clasp that held Purple’s chestplate over his ovipositor. Purple gently slinked from Red’s grip. He settled down onto the couch, reclining across the seat as he remarked, “I’ve got to admit... I like the way you think. When there’s no audience, of course.”
“Do you see any audience here?” Red teased, gesturing at the rest of the room. “Hmph. Looks like I’ll just have to occupy your mind with something other than Conventia.”
“Lead the way,” said Purple, daring Red with his grin as he removed his chestplate and tossed it away.
“Ah, ah, ah-- wait just a minute...” Red said, swishing a finger back and forth. “I’ve got something new this time I wanted to show you.” He dug his hand in one of his looping pocket, reaching deep until he pulled out a small remote-control box, connected to an even smaller electrode. Red held up the contraption before Purple, slyly remarking, “Can’t forget the lasers!”
Purple stared at the electrode in disbelief, though he couldn’t hide his curiosity. “Where did you get something like that?”
“Now, Purple... you should know that Callnowia doesn’t advertise everything in its catalog,” Red replied, winking as he unfastened his own chestplate and clipped the electrode over the tip of the tube on his ovipositor. “I figured I should try this out sooner or later... aren’t you lucky?”
“I suppose I am. I certainly wouldn’t mind a demonstration.”
“Oh, I figured you wouldn’t,” Red replied. “Here goes...”
With that, Red knelt down beside the lounging Purple, resting his spindly fingers on his partner’s exposed chest. He brushed against Purple’s ovipositor, noting the pleased sigh this caused, then grasped the tube and began massaging it tenderly. “We’ve got to get you ready for this first,” Red smiled, clacking his tongue before continuing, “My, you are tense tonight, aren’t you?”
Purple only let out a pleasured moan in response as Red continued his strokes. “Keep going...” he urged his partner. Red was only happy to oblige; he brought his head down to begin flickering his tongue along Purple’s tube, which slowly shifted to the shade of deep violet as he grew ever more aroused. Red sensed his partner was as ready as he was going to get, and climbed onto the couch, easing himself over Purple’s body. In a strained voice, Purple finally whispered, “Go for it now-- I don’t think I can wait much longer!”
--and he gasped, as Red thrust his scarlet-streaked tube into his own. Red didn’t bother waiting as his partner shivered at the sensation; he began to gently pull away, only to thrust his tube back in deeper, and away, and in, increasing the speed as he relished Purple’s body quivering under his... Purple dimly heard the soft, mechanical creak of Red’s spidery, metallic substitute arms as they spread out from his backpack; as he felt their delicate grasp slide under his body, Purple released his as well. Their own metal arms encircling the other, Red and Purple began contracting the firm tentacles against each other, tugging them closer in time with their own mutual thrusts.
It wasn’t long after this that Purple became unable to hold back his own ecstatic cries. Small tears welled up in his eyes as he moaned, occasionally whimpering Red’s name before forcing out ever another tense exhale. Red remained unusually quiet, save for the huffing breaths hissed with every new thrust. Just as Purple managed a trembling, “Red-- *hhh* I can feel it-- I’m-- *hhhh!*-- ohhh--I’m gonna--”, Red suddenly stiffened, continuing his heavy gasps, but otherwise becoming motionless.
All Purple could muster was a wordless yell of disappointment at this sudden change. He jerked his head up in pained bewilderment.
Red met his gaze, grinning as he held up a small remote before his partner’s face. “Just... just charging it up...” His grin widened, and his finger punched down onto the button of the remote.
If Purple had been disappointed at Red’s pause, he certainly didn’t make it apparent after the charge pulsed to life, zapping the pair’s chests with enough current to make Purple scream unbounded. The sudden jolt of overwhelming pleasure was too much for Purple to bear. A trickle of sparkling tears ran down his face as his personal fluids burst into Red, who gripped Purple all the tighter to his chest with his metallic arms, howling with delight at the warm sensation.
The Tallest lay in their embrace, weakly gasping for some time before Red smiled, softly asking, “So... feeling better now?”
“Mmmmmm.... I would say so....” Purple sighed, still trembling slightly from his powerful climax. His eyelids lowered heavily; he knew he needed to rest after such an exertion. Before falling asleep, however, he brought his arm up behind Red’s shoulder, drawing their faces closer until Purple could give his partner a grateful, heartfelt kiss. Red accepted the gesture, returning it before Purple’s eyes closed for the night. Red remained awake, thoughtfully smiling as he gazed down upon Purple’s dozing, sweetly content face resting on the couch.
But what was this? Red’s antennae perked to alertness as he heard faint voices talking from outside their room, which grew louder as the sound of scuffling began. Red could only pick up a faint “Listen, you don’t know what--”, followed right afterwards by an anxious “Don’t worry, I’ll save them!”
The scuffling sounds outside the door grew more frenzied. Red could only hear a faint “Listen, you don’t know what--”, followed right afterwards by an anxious “Don’t worry, I’ll save them!”
Suddenly, the low hum of a blaster rifle resounded through the room. Red raised an eyebrow as a determined-looking young Irken hopped boldly through the hole now blasted in the door.
Citizen Koz leaped into the room, eyes quickly scanning the room for the apparent threat to his leaders. It took a few seconds for Koz to realize the absence of danger, but by the time he had calmed down enough to actually register what he was looking at, he stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes as wide as magenta saucers.
Red stared at this unexpected visitor, trying his best to remain calm as he solemnly asked Koz, “...Is there a problem, soldier?”
Koz simply stammered under his breath until he remembered to close his mouth. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing: there, right in front of him, were the two most respected leaders he’d heard about his whole life through-- lying on a couch together, one asleep in the other’s arms, and-- and they were... Koz could only stare at the pair’s swollen tubes, still locked together, leaking something wet. It... they’d-- they couldn’t be!
The red-eyed leader continued staring at the gaping Koz. “You know, I don’t recognize you... are you new to Irk One?”
Koz sputtered out a shocked “Y-y-yes, My Tallest... I’m sorry-- I-I heard a scream, and I thought you were in danger... I--I’ll be leaving now, sorry to disturb you!!” He turned and began hurrying towards the door, looking at the floor so as to not let the Tallest know how badly he was blushing.
“By the way, soldier...” Red continued, causing Koz to halt. The Citizen turned back to see Red glaring right into his eyes, a malicious, humorless grin on his face that rivaled any picture of a Slaughtering Rat Person Koz had ever seen. In a voice that was as calm as his face was threatening, the scarlet-eyed Tallest quietly told him, “Remember.... you didn’t see anything in here. Isn’t that right?”
Koz weakly climbed through the hole in the wall, and after some angry muttering from outside, the room was quiet once more. Red looked down at the still-slumbering Purple, and snuggled nearer to him. Sighing, he remarked, “Am I ever glad you weren’t awake to see that....”
******************
Citizen Koz trudged through the halls of Irk One, feeling hollow. He blankly registered the Pilot Ronk walking towards him with a cheerful grin, and paused in his walking to hear her say, “Guess what, Citizen? Great news! I spoke to the Chief-in-Command of Irk One’s recruiting department, and he says he’s assigned you to the duty of reporting to the Tallest permanently! Since you seem to like it so much, I mean.” She clapped him on the shoulder heartily, and with a salute and a booming cry of “Congratulations!”, she was gone, humming a merry tune as she left.
Koz only sighed mournfully; his left eye gave off an involuntary twitch as he continued his journey down the hall. Kicking a tiny dust-speck on the hallway floor, he thought, Great. Just *perfect*. And this is only my first day of work....
***THE END***