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(FADE IN to VENTURE COMPOUND COMPUTER ROOM - INTERIOR - NIGHT. DEAN SITS on a swivel-style CHAIR before a COMPUTER, HIS EYES STARING at the COMPUTER SCREEN. HE'S TYPING with angry keypunches. HANK STANDS to the LEFT of the chair DEAN's sitting in. HANK YAWNS.)

DEAN
(DETERMINED)
First it was when Dad wouldn't let me send any bank information to those nice old ladies from Nigeria who were keen enough to wanna split their fortune with me.

(DEAN SWIVELS HIS CHAIR to FACE HANK and HOLDS UP ONE HAND, TWO FINGERS RAISED.)

DEAN
Then he made me take down my petition website for saving those poor elephants people were squashing into teeny little goldfish bowls and taking photos of, 'cause he said the pictures looked faked!

(DEAN HOLDS UP HIS OTHER HAND, which is HOLDING a PRINTED-OFF IMAGE.)

(CUT to CLOSEUP of PRINTED-OFF IMAGE. HOLD THIS SHOT for a moment. A photo of an elephant has obviously been Photoshopped onto a picture of a fish tank; there's still some trim of background edges around the elephant.)

DEAN
(OFFSCREEN)
Does this look fake?

(ZOOM OUT to WAIST-UP SHOT of DEAN. HE LOWERS HIS HAND.)

DEAN
Elephants don't forget, Hank! And they're not gonna forgive stuff like this, ever! But then... then!! He turned my personal Interweb page into his own site! All my dancing smiley faces, the bunny rabbit picture that hopped back and forth under where my name was, those lawyer jokes I got from e-mails-- all gone! He made it a tribute page for William Shatner, and the stuff I was showing the world's disappeared forever!

(CUT to MIDRANGE SHOT of HANK AND DEAN. HANK SHRUGS, HOLDING BOTH HIS PALMS OPEN TOWARDS DEAN as he does so.)

HANK
You could just make a new one. Wasn't your old one free anyhow?

DEAN
(POUTY)
That's not the point! Dad's pushed my Interweb pursuits around for too long... A guy can only take so much. You are looking at a Dean scorned, Hank!

(DEAN NARROWS HIS EYES, LOOKING OFF IN THE DISTANCE solemnly.)

DEAN
And I just hope all those elephant angels up in heaven can forgive me for what I'm gonna do...

HANK
Gasp! You're not gonna... send him pictures of naked ladies over his e-mail...?

DEAN
No. Something worse.

(DEAN SWIVELS HIS CHAIR back TOWARDS the COMPUTER and POINTS to the COMPUTER SCREEN. PAN UP to what we'll call the KISSING PICTURE: two barely-detailed stick figures with "I [heart] the Monark" and "Love D["ea" scribbled out, written over]R Venture" written on it.)

DEAN
I'm putting this picture I drew on his webpage... of him and the Monarch, kissing!

(ZOOM OUT to include HANK. HE SQUINTS at the COMPUTER SCREEN.)

HANK
I dunno, Dean. You sure people are gonna believe Dad really did this?

DEAN
Come on! Of course they will. It's called the "Information Superhighway" for a reason. Nobody lies about stuff there!
(STONILY SERIOUS)
Except now...

(ZOOM IN on DEAN'S HAND CLICKING the COMPUTER MOUSE.)

(CUT TO CLOSE UP of BROWSER WINDOW; the KISSING PICTURE is loading on the top of Dr. Venture's website.)

DEAN
(OFFSCREEN)
It's time to fight fire... with cyberspace!

(OPENING TITLES)

(FADE IN to WIDE SHOT of PRISON VISITATION HALL - INT. - DAY. MONARCH SITS with HIS VISITATION PHONE IN HIS HAND, looking through the GLASS WALL at HENCHMAN 21 and HENCHMAN 24, who HOLD a SECOND VISITATION PHONE BETWEEN THEM on their side.)

MONARCH
Ah. My faithful henchmen... It seems like ages since I've gotten to see familiar faces of solace in this godforsaken place.

(MONARCH PAUSES and NARROWS HIS EYES. HE PLACES ONE HAND [the one not holding the phone] FLAT on the TABLE, FINGERS SPLAYED.)

MONARCH
Did you bring the lotion?

(ZOOM IN to a CLOSE SHOT of MONARCH. HE RAISES HIS HAND from the TABLE to WRING HIS FIST IN THE AIR, off in his own world for next line.)

MONARCH
It may seem redundant to smuggle in antibacterial rinses through the usual methods here... but I tell you, it is a much needed redundancy!

(CUT to MIDRANGE SHOT of the TWO HENCHMEN. THEY BOTH SMILE.)

HENCHMAN 21
No sir, we didn't. And after today, we won't have to anymore.

MONARCH
What?
(SPUTTERS)
What the [fuck] is this I'm hearing?! My own [fuck]ing henchmen, my hired flesh and blood, abandoning me? You bastards-- traitors! You'd [fuck]ing kick a two-legged puppy while it was trying to relieve itself, wouldn't you, you [shit]s--

(CUT to HENCHMEN. HENCHMAN 24 WAVES HIS HANDS CLOSE TOGETHER and BACK AND FORTH BEFORE HIM.)

HENCHMAN 24
No, no! Boss, it's not like that!

(HENCHMAN 24 STOPS MOVING HIS HANDS and LOOKS to HENCHMAN 21.)

HENCHMAN 21
See, watch! We fixed it!

(ZOOM OUT as HENCHMAN 21 RAISES the TOY LIGHTSABER [from "Tag Sale-- You're It!"] WITH BOTH HANDS to eye-level and FLICKS THE TOY LIGHTSABER'S BEAM ON.)

HENCHMAN 21
Number 46 found out how to make it work on inorganic material from this one site online!

(PAN OVER TOWARDS MONARCH as HENCHMAN 21 SLICES A WIDE CIRCLE INTO the GLASS WALL with the TOY LIGHTSABER. MONARCH LOOKS SURPRISED and DROPS HIS VISITATION PHONE, but PUSHES BOTH HANDS AGAINST the clean-cut GLASS CIRCLE. HE SHOVES THE GLASS CIRCLE OUT from the GLASS WALL and JUMPS THROUGH the CIRCLE-SHAPED HOLE now in the GLASS WALL.)

(CUT to a MIDRANGE SHOT of TWO PRISON GUARDS GAWKING at the scene assumed to be happening nearby, OFFSCREEN.)

GUARD 1
Daaaaamn! You see that?

GUARD 2
Yeah!

(SHORT PAUSE. SFX: SCUFFLES AND RUNNING from OFFSCREEN.)

GUARD 2
A real working lightsaber! That is [fuck]ing awesome!

(GUARD 3 POKES HIS HEAD ONSCREEN, LOOKING at GUARDS 1 & 2. HE FROWNS.)

GUARD 3
Dude. You guys are so [fuck]ed.

(CUT to COCOON - INT. - DAY. MIDRANGE SHOT of MONARCH suited in his regular costume and STANDING BEFORE HIS THRONE, HIS ARMS AKIMBO. HE SITS DOWN upon the THRONE, then casually ADJUSTS the CROWN on HIS HEAD.)

MONARCH
Ahhh. It's good to be back.

(MONARCH RESTS HIS HANDS TOGETHER by the fingertips.)

MONARCH
Where are the rest of my henchmen? Get them in here, I want to see them all again.

(CUT to CLOSE SHOT of TWO HENCHMEN STANDING NEXT TO EACH OTHER.)

HENCHMAN 21
Um. We're it.

(CUT to WIDE SHOT of THRONE ROOM. There's SIX HENCHMEN STANDING IN A HORIZONTAL ROW a ways IN FRONT OF the THRONE. SHORT PAUSE.)

MONARCH
What?! Where'd they all go?

HENCHMAN 6
Well... 18, 27, 73, and the Twins left for their smoke break...

(CUT to CLOSE SHOT of MONARCH.)

MONARCH
Oh.

(MONARCH PAUSES, RAISING ONE EYEBROW.)

MONARCH
How long ago was that? Ten minutes? Thirty?

HENCHMAN 24
(OFFSCREEN)
Two weeks ago, I think. The rest, ahhhm... four or five weeks, maybe?

MONARCH
(DUMBFOUNDED)
I didn't know they all smoked.

(MONARCH'S SHOULDERS SAG DOWNWARDS.)

MONARCH
(MUMBLING, SOUNDING HURT)
Thought I taught them better than that.

(CUT to CLOSE SHOT of HENCHMAN 21.)

HENCHMAN 21
Oh, they didn't. They just hadn't gone outside the place for, like, months, before. I think they got lost.

(CUT back to MONARCH.)

MONARCH
(MUMBLED)
Grrr. Knew I should've gone for putting the new Cocoon somewhere else than inside an active volcano... The rates were so good, though... Well, anyway.

(HE TOSSES HIS HAND as if dismissing the thought, then speaks to the room once more.)

MONARCH
All of you, listen well, for I've learned much over my many months inside the malodorous maw of prison. There are things you just... come to realize, when each day finds you hiding behind an open-air toilet for hours at a time so some hulking behemoth in a jumpsuit doesn't see you and try bending you over...
(MUTTERED)
...again...
(NORMAL)
I mean, how many can really say they've seen the desperate, brain-clearing insights only given to someone forced to be terrified of every sinister, carnally-driven move of their fellow men?

(CUT to WIDE SHOT of ALL HENCHMEN; NONE OF THEM MOVE. SHORT PAUSE, then ONE HENCHMAN RAISES HIS HAND.)

HENCHMAN 7
...I was a Boy Scout for five years.

(CUT back to MONARCH. HE WINCES.)

MONARCH
Ew...! No, I was speaking hypothetic-- oh, I didn't need to know that.

(MONARCH recovers and RAISES ONE ARM, POINTING ONE FINGER UPWARDS dramatically.)

MONARCH
But, no.

(HE LOWERS HIS ARM slightly to PLACE THAT HAND FLAT UPON HIS CHEST.)

MONARCH
I speak of the realization that there are things I've taken for granted for far too long. The loyalty and devotion given to me by my henchmen, for instance.

(MONARCH LOWERS HIS ARM, LOOKING OFF TO THE SIDE for the next line.)

MONARCH
(QUIET MUTTER)
The ones left, I guess.
(NORMAL)
And now, I must come to terms with what matters in life. Like...

(HE CLASPS HIS HANDS TOGETHER, bringing them CLOSE TO HIS CHIN; HIS EYES LOOK SKYWARD.)

MONARCH
...companionship.

(CUT to MIDRANGE SHOT of 2 or 3 HENCHMEN.)

HENCHMAN 24
Wooow. That's really great, boss.

HENCHMAN 5
(NEXT TO HENCHMAN 24)
Yeah. I wasn't sure when I heard the news at first, but it's great you've finally come out about you and Doctor Venture... you know, being a couple--

(QUICK PAN FOLLOWING HENCHMAN 5 as HE FALLS to the FLOOR, DEAD. A DART is STICKING OUT OF HIS HEAD.)

(BLUR PAN over to MONARCH. HIS costume's WINGS are FLARED WIDE; HIS WHOLE BODY'S BRISTLING.)

MONARCH
(THROUGH GRITTED TEETH)
You all have five minutes to cobble together what the hell this idiot was babbling about or you're joining him where you stand!!

(QUICK SKULL/LOGO SPIRAL to COCOON COMPUTER TERMINAL - INT. - LOW LIGHT. Another HENCHMAN is SLUMPED OVER IN THEIR CHAIR, THREE DARTS STUCK IN THEIR BACK AND NECK. SLOW PAN to the next CHAIR over, where MONARCH SITS with his back to the camera, LOOKING at the COMPUTER SCREEN, then ZOOM OUT to include the COMPUTER SCREEN and remaining FOUR HENCHMEN. The COMPUTER SCREEN SHOWS a BROWSER WINDOW set to Dr. Venture's website, KISSING PICTURE at the top and all. The HENCHMEN STAND around the CHAIR that MONARCH'S sitting at. THEY all TREMBLE IN FEAR, LOOKING AWAY from MONARCH.)

MONARCH
So this is what my nemesis thinks he can get away with in my absence, eh? While the Monarch's away, the Venture will play to the crowd all sorts of filthy filthy foul--
(GETTING ANGRIER, TALKING FASTER)
--horrible lies of wrong about his and my respective rectums, ehh?! Well, he's sorely mistaken if he thinks he will escape my slandered wrath!

(QUICK ZOOM OUT to MIDRANGE SHOT of MONARCH POSING, WRINGING HIS HANDS in the air. DRAMATIC STING plays.)

MONARCH
Doctor Venture, your ass is mine!!

(DRAMATIC STING fades.)

(CUT to GROUP SHOT of MONARCH amidst the HENCHMEN. Awkward SILENT PAUSE. MONARCH's EYES OPEN WIDE, though HIS POSE STAYS THE SAME. SFX: CRICKETS CHIRP.)

(CUT back to CLOSE SHOT of MONARCH. SFX: QUIET COUGH from OFFSCREEN.)

HENCHMAN 7
(OFFSCREEN)
Uh, boss, wouldn't that...

(MONARCH JERKS HIS ARM UP to SHOOT A DART SOMEWHERE OFFSCREEN. SFX: HENCHMAN 7 GETTING HIT BY A DART and FALLING TO THE FLOOR.)

MONARCH
(ANGRY SHRIEKING; TO NOBODY IN PARTICULAR)
I'm not gay!!

(CUT to VENTURE COMPOUND - INT. - DR. VENTURE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT. MIDRANGE SHOT of DR. VENTURE ON HIS BED, PUTTING ON the SHIRT of his PINK NIGHT OUTFIT. BROCK WALKS INTO VIEW from the OPEN DOORWAY [to the RIGHT of DR. VENTURE in the BACKGROUND], but STAYS STANDING there.)

BROCK
(UNCOMFORTABLE)
Uh, Doc? Was wonderin' if we could, like. Talk, for a minute.

(DR. VENTURE TURNS HIS HEAD TOWARDS BROCK, then BACK AGAIN TOWARDS HIS PILLOWS.)

DR. VENTURE
Hm? Sure, come on in.

(CUT to CLOSE SHOT of BROCK. HE WALKS INTO the BEDROOM a few steps farther, then STOPS.)

(CUT to BROCK'S POV-- DR. VENTURE is KNEELING on the BED, REACHING to FLUFF UP THE EDGES of his NECK PILLOW. HE'S SMILING unusually girlishly.)

(CUT back to BROCK. HE SQUINTS, looking suspicious.)

(CUT to MIDRANGE SHOT of DR. VENTURE. HE TURNS AROUND where he sits, FACING BROCK completely this time, PUTTING HIS HANDS ON HIS HIPS.)

DR. VENTURE
Something the matter...?

(CUT to BROCK again.)

BROCK
(CLEARS THROAT)
Naw. S'nuthin'. Just... There's been a lotta talk 'round the Guild of Calamitous Intent lately 'bout ya.

(CUT to DR. VENTURE. HE ROLLS HIS EYES.)

DR. VENTURE
Oh, what is it now...

BROCK
(OFFSCREEN)
'Bout a website you put up a little while ago.

DR. VENTURE
What, is that all? Tchh. I've been a fan of the guy for years... what's the big deal?

(CUT to WIDE SHOT: BROCK in the FOREGROUND, with DR. VENTURE on the BED in the BACKGROUND [to the RIGHT of BROCK].)

BROCK
Well, s'kind of a surprise for everybody. You don't seem the type that'd really go for... y'know.

(BROCK LOOKS AWAY from DR. VENTURE.)

BROCK
Given his history 'n all.

(DR. VENTURE SIGHS and CROSSES HIS ARMS. SLOW ZOOM IN TOWARDS DR. VENTURE over the next line until the camera has a CLOSE SHOT on DR. VENTURE, then HOLD CLOSE SHOT.)

DR. VENTURE
(ANNOYED)
Look, I've been keeping the records I've had of him since I was in college. He may not have that great of a voice, and...

(DR. VENTURE SHRUGS.)

DR. VENTURE
...Maybe he's not the most likable guy, okay. But if those cape-wearing goofballs down at the Guild really want to raise that much of a stink over the simple fact that somebody's sat through all those shirtless fight scenes he used to do, then they're even more in need of an actual life than I thought!

(CUT to CLOSE SHOT of BROCK. HE LOOKS ILL.)

BROCK
Shirtless... fight scenes...? You kept records of...

(HE TRAILS OFF.)

(CUT to CLOSE SHOT of DR. VENTURE.)

DR. VENTURE
Hm? No, no, don't be silly, Brock. Those I kept on videotape.

(HE SMIRKS and CLOSES HIS EYES matter-of-factly.)

DR. VENTURE
Well. D.V.D., now that I can. I wore out my old tapes a long time ago.

(CUT to MIDRANGE SHOT of BROCK.)

BROCK
Huh.

(BROCK SHUDDERS.)

BROCK
Uh, I... better be goin'.

(BROCK STEPS BACK TOWARDS the DOORWAY, but PAUSES there, fighting to hold back a LOOK OF DISTASTE.)

BROCK
And just t'let ya know, I don't think any different of ya, now that this is out.

(BROCK REACHES for the DOORKNOB.)

BROCK
G'night, Doc.

(CUT to MIDRANGE SHOT of DR. VENTURE, HIS HANDS HOLDING the top of the BED BLANKET, LOOKING where the DOOR would be from where he's at. SFX: DOOR SHUTTING. DR. VENTURE BLINKS, looking confused for a moment, then SETTLES INTO BED, PROPPING HIMSELF UP on the NECK PILLOW.)

DR. VENTURE
Sheesh. I realize not everyone's a fan of "T.J. Hooker," but this is ridiculous.

(DR. VENTURE REMOVES HIS GLASSES with one hand. HE REACHES over to the LEFT of the BED [the side closer to the balcony] with the ARM HOLDING HIS GLASSES to SET DOWN HIS GLASSES ON THE NIGHTSTAND, then RAISES HIS HAND enough to FLICK DOWN the SECOND OF TWO SWITCHES on a small LIGHTSWITCH PANEL [ABOVE HIS NIGHTSTAND/TV SET]. The LAMP LIGHT turns OFF.)

(PAN LEFT to the BALCONY WINDOWS, where a SHADOWED FIGURE with a noticeable CROWN SHAPE ATOP ITS HEAD NARROWS ITS EYES. [...eye outlines. whatever.] DRAMATIC STING plays. The SHADOWED FIGURE quietly SLIDES the BALCONY WINDOW OPEN enough to SLINK THROUGH, SLIDING IT BACK HALFWAY SHUT BEHIND HIM.)

(CUT to MONARCH'S POV - MIDRANGE SHOT of DR. VENTURE HUDDLED IN BED, FACING AWAY from the camera. HOLD THIS SHOT a moment. SFX: LIGHTSWITCH FLICKING from OFFSCREEN, followed immediately by SFX: LOUD TV NOISE [whatever open-license stuff is available-- the more obnoxious it is to listen to, the better].)

MONARCH
(OFFSCREEN)
(OVER LOUD TV NOISE)
[Shit]!

(SFX: LIGHTSWITCH FLICKING from OFFSCREEN. LOUD TV NOISE STOPS. SFX: LIGHTSWITCH FLICKING from OFFSCREEN again. The LAMP LIGHT turns ON [based on sudden change of light in the scene].)

(CUT to CLOSE SHOT of DR. VENTURE'S FACE. HIS EYELIDS FLUTTER OPEN... right before MONARCH'S HAND DARTS ONSCREEN, HOLDING a RAG over DR. VENTURE'S MOUTH/NOSE. Another DRAMATIC STING plays at the action, a couple notes higher than the last one.)

DR. VENTURE
(MUFFLING INTO SILENCE)
Mnnnnnh...!

(DR. VENTURE'S EYES BUG OPEN for a second, then drowsily DROOP CLOSED.)

(THEME STING plays. FADE TO BLACK. And a commercial break, perhaps.)

(FADE IN to WIDE SHOT of CONJECTURAL TECHNOLOGIES MOBILE HOME - EXTERIOR - NIGHT. There's now a big SATELLITE DISH hooked up OUT IN FRONT. SFX: PHONE RINGING from inside.)

(CUT to MOBILE HOME - INTERIOR - LOW LIGHT. MIDRANGE SHOT of PETER WHITE SITTING on LIVING ROOM COUCH, one leg over the other. A generic SNACK BAG is ON HIS LAP. The only light in the room is coming from the TV PETER'S WATCHING [OFFSCREEN]. SFX: LAUGH TRACK from OFFSCREEN. SFX: PHONE RINGS again. PETER ROLLS HIS EYES, FROWNS, and STANDS UP from the COUCH, SETTING DOWN the SNACK BAG where he was sitting.)

PETER
(LOUDLY)
I guess I'll get it, then!

(CUT to CLOSE SHOT of the place's usual PHONE set on a PHONE CHARGING DOCK [from "Are You There, God? It's Me, Dean"], with an added small VIDEO SCREEN hooked up to the top of the PHONE CHARGING DOCK. The VIDEO SCREEN has a single PRESS BUTTON on its frame. Some WIRING snakes BETWEEN the PHONE CHARGING DOCK and the VIDEO SCREEN. The combined machines look like they were fixed together from whatever parts were around; there's a ton of DUCT TAPE WRAPPED AROUND the WIRING. PETER'S HAND MOVES ONSCREEN, PICKING UP THE PHONE from the PHONE CHARGING DOCK and PRESSING THE PRESS BUTTON on the VIDEO SCREEN with HIS OTHER HAND'S INDEX FINGER. A grainy VIDEO FEED OF BROCK pops onto the VIDEO SCREEN.)

(CUT to CLOSE SHOT of PETER. HE'S LOOKING AWAY FROM the VIDEO SCREEN at first, sounding bored.)

PETER
Conjectural Technologies, how may we--

(HIS EYES MOVE TOWARDS where the VIDEO SCREEN would be from where he's standing. HE SMILES, suddenly spirited.)

PETER
Heeey, if it isn't Brock Sampson! How yah doin'?

(CUT to CLOSE SHOT of VIDEO SCREEN'S FEED OF BROCK.)

BROCK
Eh, doin' fine.

(BROCK LOOKS off to the SIDE.)

BROCK
Listen, sorry t'bother ya over there, but... I gotta talk about somethin'.

(CUT to PETER.)

PETER
Well sure!

(HE HOLDS UP HIS FREE HAND and FLICK-DROPS IT.)

PETER
How's every little thing down at the Venture place?

BROCK
(OFFSCREEN)
Uh. Not so good.
(PAUSE)
Just havin' a hard time with the news about the Doc. I mean... Nothin' wrong with it, but. Y'know.

PETER
Oh yeah! And I hear the Monarch broke outta jail just the other day, too... Comin' over to see his sweetheart, maybe?

(PETER GRINS.)

(CUT to VIDEO SCREEN'S FEED OF BROCK.)

BROCK
That's... kinda what I'm afraid of.

PETER
(OFFSCREEN)
Aww. Well, I think it's cute.

(BROCK CLOSES HIS EYES momentarily. HE OPENS THEM again at PETER'S dialogue.)

PETER
(OFFSCREEN)
Well, you wanna know what I think...

(CUT to PETER.)

PETER
Not like I've got a direct line to his head or anything, but I'm surprised it's the Monarch he fell for.

(PETER TWIRLS A FINGER BY HIS EAR in a clockwise motion and LOOKS UPWARD for the next sentence, STOPPING afterwards.)

PETER
You know what a walking Dad complex he was all through college. And you-- you're like, his old man crossed with... Fabio, or somethin'!

(CUT to VIDEO SCREEN'S FEED OF BROCK. BROCK'S LEFT EYE TWITCHES.)

BROCK
Yeah, whatever.
(AS IF IGNORING THE COMMENT)
So I was thinkin', maybe I should know if there's a right way to handle this, so I thought... maybe I should ask someone who'd know about that... kinda thing.

(BROCK LOOKS AT where he'd assumedly see PETER standing. SHORT PAUSE.)

BROCK
I mean, you--

(CUT to PETER, who INTERRUPTS BROCK'S LINE.)

PETER
Oh, not this again... Look. Brock.

(PETER RUBS HIS FOREHEAD with HIS FREE HAND and SHAKES HIS HEAD BACK AND FORTH.)

PETER
I don't know how people keep making this mistake. I mean, just 'cause a guy likes to dress up in pink, maybe wear some tights, and shares a place with another guy for a few years, all of a sudden everyone thinks I'm gay. Does a gay guy have a thing for skinny pale chicks?

(HE TIPS HIS HAND to the air, PALM OPEN.)

PETER
No. Not last time I checked.

(CUT to VIDEO SCREEN'S FEED OF BROCK. BROCK BLINKS, looking a bit CAUGHT OFF GUARD.)

BROCK
Oh.
(PAUSE)
Huh. I just always thought... Y'know, you and that big headed guy...

PETER
(OFFSCREEN)
What, him?

(CUT to PETER. HE LEANS TOWARDS the VIDEO SCREEN, speaking quieter. HIS HAND GRIPS over the PHONE, as if he's suspicious about anyone overhearing.)

PETER
Tell ya the truth? I got two reasons for stayin' here. Disability checks, and the grants he gets. The words "midget ass" ain't anywhere on the list. His dad worked with my uncle, yadda yadda yadda, and boom, I don't hafta pay any rent. Y'get it?

BILLY QUIZBOY
(OFFSCREEN)
I can still hear you, you know.

(PETER'S EYES BULGE WIDE.)

(CUT to MIDRANGE SHOT of the LIVING ROOM. PETER WHIRLS AROUND to see BILLY STANDING at the other end of the LIVING ROOM, wearing a NIGHTCAP AND GOWN [positioned in the BACKGROUND to the RIGHT of PETER'S RIGHT SHOULDER]. BILLY'S ARMS are CROSSED. HE looks PISSED OFF.)

PETER
[Shit.] Oh, [shit]--

(BILLY STORMS TOWARDS PETER. PETER FUMBLES with the PHONE he's still holding, trying to hang up without taking his eyes off of BILLY.)

PETER
(PANICKY)
Brock, I gotta go...

BILLY
(OVER PETER'S DIALOGUE)
I thought we had something! You mean to tell me--

(CUT to VENTURE COMPOUND - INT. - NIGHT. MIDRANGE SHOT of BROCK, who's FACING AWAY from the camera. HE'S STANDING IN FRONT OF a BIGGER VIDEO SCREEN, where a VIDEO SCREEN FEED OF PETER is displayed. PETER is also FACING AWAY from the screen's POV.)

PETER
Listen... Billy! Honey! It's not what you th--

(BROCK HANGS UP HIS end of the PHONE. PETER'S DIALOGUE is CUT OFF as the VIDEO SCREEN FEED OF PETER blips to a BLANK BIGGER VIDEO SCREEN. BROCK STARES at the BLANK BIGGER VIDEO SCREEN. SHORT PAUSE.)

BROCK
Hmm.

(QUICK SKULL/LOGO SPIRAL to DR. VENTURE'S BEDROOM - INT. - NIGHT. The LAMP LIGHT is ON. MIDRANGE SHOT of MONARCH SITTING on the BED, HEAD IN HANDS, STARING with narrowed, annoyed eyes TOWARDS THE WINDOW [OFFSCREEN]-- pouting pose. DR. VENTURE is SPRAWLED BEHIND HIM on the BED BLANKET, as if he was dragged out of bed and left there. DR. VENTURE'S MOUTH IS OPEN; there's a BIG PUDDLE OF DROOL all over the NECK PILLOW under DR. VENTURE'S HEAD. MONARCH LOOKS OVER HIS SHOULDER TOWARDS DR. VENTURE.)

MONARCH
Come on... I didn't even use that much cloroform!

(MONARCH TURNS to GRAB DR. VENTURE BY THE SHOULDERS and SHAKES HIM.)

MONARCH
It's been over two hours! Least you could do is be conscious for my nefarious act of revenge!

(MONARCH STOPS SHAKING HIM. DR. VENTURE'S HEAD LOLLS weakly TOWARDS MONARCH.)

DR. VENTURE
mnnm...

(MONARCH PAUSES, STARING at VENTURE'S bowed HEAD. HE SHRUGS.)

MONARCH
Hell with it. Good enough.

(MONARCH SHOVES DR. VENTURE back onto the BED BLANKET, then MOVES HIS HAND down BELOW SCREEN, LOOKING off to the SIDE. SFX: POCKET RUMMAGING.)

(CUT to CLOSEUP of BED BLANKET. MONARCH'S HAND MOVES ONSCREEN to SET DOWN a WRAPPED CONDOM, then MOVES OFFSCREEN; MONARCH'S HAND MOVES back ONSCREEN a moment later to SET DOWN a pump-style BOTTLE marked "GERM OFF" next to it.)

[NOTE: To help with any Standards & Practices goodwill this episode might inexplicably be able to nab (and to keep humanity in general from dying a little on the inside), DR. VENTURE IS OFFSCREEN all through the following scenes. All actions are assumed to be happening via positioning of what the Monarch is doing or reacting to. The most anyone should be able to see onscreen is maybe Dr. Venture's feet in this next shot. Maybe.]

(CUT to WAIST-UP SHOT of MONARCH on the BED, STRUGGLING VENTURE'S BODY AROUND [BELOW SCREEN] by the legs. MONARCH LEANS BACK slightly, MOVING HIS ARMS as if PULLING something. Soon, MONARCH SMILES and TOSSES DR. VENTURE'S PANTS OVER HIS SHOULDER. HE LOOKS DOWN at where Dr. Venture's ass would be, and WINCES in disgust. MONARCH BITES HIS LOWER LIP and MOVES ONE ARM BELOW SCREEN, then RAISES the WRAPPED CONDOM UP NEAR HIS FACE and STARES at it.)

MONARCH
(TO SELF)
Just hope this works... Couldn't even get it up for Doctor Girl-slut

(MONARCH SQUINTS ANGRILY and SHAKES HIS OTHER HAND IN A FIST on the word "SLUT".)

MONARCH
(CONTINUED)
with one on...

(HE PICKS at the corners of the WRAPPED CONDOM with HIS FINGERS, carefully TEARING THE WRAPPER OPEN. HIS ARMS MOVE BELOW SCREEN. SFX: ZIPPER UNZIPPING. MONARCH STRUGGLES with what we can assume is the condom. HE PAUSES after a moment, GRITTING HIS TEETH and FROWNING as HE LOOKS at something BELOW SCREEN.)

MONARCH
Oh come on! Is everything out to betray me tonight?!

(CUT to WIDE SHOT of HALLWAY TO VENTURE'S BEDROOM DOOR [from POV of someone walking down the hall]. SLOW ZOOM IN, TOWARDS the CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR at the end of the HALLWAY. SFX: SOFT-SQUEAK FOOTSTEPS.)

(CUT to MIDRANGE SHOT of HANK AND DEAN in their Superboy/Aqualad night outfits CREEPING ALONG THE HALLWAY in PROFILE.)

HANK
(STAGE WHISPERING)
I just think it's the right thing to do, Dean!

DEAN
(STAGE WHISPERING)
No, you're right. Avenging the ghosts of angry elephants may be swell and all, but it's just not worth it if I have to lie to my dad!

(HANK AND DEAN STOP and STAND IN FRONT of the CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR.)

HANK
(STAGE WHISPERING)
Operation: Confession is go! Initiating...

(ZOOM IN CLOSE on HANK AND DEAN'S FACES, LEANING IN almost nose to nose TOWARDS EACH OTHER.)

HANK AND DEAN
(NORMAL)
Super Secret Doorjack!

(CUT to MIDRANGE SHOT of HANK AND DEAN. THEY CROSS THEIR FINGERS in the 'VENTURE V'. The BACKGROUND COLORS TURN BRIGHT.)

HANK AND DEAN
(NORMAL)
Go Team Venture!!

(BACKGROUND COLORS RETURN TO NORMAL immediately after dialogue.)

HANK
(STAGE WHISPERING)
Shh! Remember, we're not supposed to be out past our bedtime!

DEAN
(STAGE WHISPERING)
Right! Sorry!

(DEAN SHAKES HIS HEAD, LOOKING AT THE FLOOR guiltily.)

DEAN
(STAGE WHISPERING)
Wow. Where would I ever be without you as a moral compass?

HANK
(NORMAL)
A what?

(CUT to CLOSE SHOT of DEAN RAISING A FINGER IN FRONT OF HIS MOUTH-- a silent 'shh.')

(CUT to CLOSE SHOT of HANK. HE NODS HIS HEAD and SMILES in a fatherly, wistful manner.)

(CUT to MIDRANGE SHOT of BEDROOM DOORWAY from INSIDE LOOKING OUT POV, though the door is still shut at first. MONARCH AND DR. VENTURE can only be seen as VAGUE SHADOWS cast on the DOOR, MOVING UP AND DOWN with slight jerky motions. The DOOR OPENS enough for DEAN'S HEAD to LOOK THROUGH. SLOW ZOOM IN TOWARDS DEAN'S FACE through following MONARCH dialogue. DEAN'S EYES OPEN WIDE; HIS JAW DROPS in shock.)

MONARCH
(OFFSCREEN)
(GRUNTING OCCASIONALLY)
...and you may consider this my lance of wrath, piercing through your lowly ringpiece as you have torn asunder the very fabric of my heterosexual existence--

(DEAN GASPS.)

DEAN
Pop...?

(CUT back to MIDRANGE SHOT of HANK AND DEAN OUTSIDE THE DOOR.)

HANK
(STAGE WHISPERING)
Well? Is he still awake?

(DEAN LEANS AWAY from the DOOR, SHUTTING IT MOST OF THE WAY [still a CRACK OF LIGHT visible from inside the bedroom].)

DEAN
(STAGE WHISPERING)
You're not gonna believe this, Hank! Dad was in there-- with the Monarch! They were wrestling! Like--

(DEAN POINTS to the DOOR, HIS FINGER SHAKING exitedly.)

DEAN
(STAGE WHISPERING)
Like Brock does with those pretty girls he meets!

(HANK HOLDS UP ONE HAND in a relaxed halt. HE puts on a "THINKING FACE," LOOKING UP at the ceiling for a moment.)

HANK
(STAGE WHISPERING)
Wait a second... this is big! This just might be...

(ZOOM IN slightly on HANK AND DEAN as THEY LOOK TOWARDS EACH OTHER.)

HANK AND DEAN
(NORMAL)
...a clue!

HANK
(STAGE WHISPERING)
Think about it, Dean! Doesn't Brock usually...

(HANK NARROWS HIS EYES suspiciously.)

HANK
(STAGE WHISPERING)
...kiss those girls before they go to his room and wrestle?

DEAN
(STAGE WHISPERING)
I guess so. Except for the one who made him wear all those weird suspenders down in the basement.
(THINKING ABOUT IT)
And the times they don't go to his room first. And--

(HANK HOLDS UP A POINTED INDEX FINGER, interrupting DEAN.)

HANK
(STAGE WHISPERING)
And you put that picture you drew up on the World Wide Net, that was of what?

(DEAN FROWNS.)

DEAN
(STAGE WHISPERING)
(SOUNDING HURT)
I thought you already knew! Dad and... the Monarch...
(REALIZATION DAWNING)
...kissing! Holy Internets, Hank, you're right!

(HANK GRINS.)

HANK
(STAGE WHISPERING)
Darn tootin' I am, Dean-O! You realize what this means?

DEAN
(NORMAL)
(IN AWE)
Everything we put on the Web... will come true?! Wow!!

(QUICK ZOOM OUT to WIDE SHOT of the HALLWAY at the next line. HANK AND DEAN FREEZE IN PLACE; THEIR EYES BULGE WIDE.)

BROCK
(OFFSCREEN)
Hey. What're you boys doin' here?

(CUT to CLOSE UPWARDS SHOT of MONARCH, neck/shoulders-up only. HE'S MOVING UP AND DOWN in slight thrusting motions, LOOKING DOWN at where Venture would be BELOW HIM.)

DR. VENTURE
(OFFSCREEN)
[quiet, half-asleep moan]

(MONARCH PAUSES, then LOOKS FURTHER DOWN. HIS EYES WIDEN.)

MONARCH
(DISGUSTED SURPRISE)
Oh my God, you're actually getting into this?!

(MONARCH STARTS MOVING UP AND DOWN again, a bit rougher than before.)

MONARCH
I knew it! You sick--
(SPUTTERS, FUMBLING FOR THE RIGHT WORD)
--sicko!

DR. VENTURE
(OFFSCREEN)
(WEAK)
...brock...

(MONARCH brightens, getting a SMUG GRIN.)

MONARCH
Hah! Finally calling for help, eh? Well, your musclebound goon can't help you now!

DR. VENTURE
(OFFSCREEN)
(MUMBLED)
...oh brock... yeah...!

(MONARCH STOPS MOVING and STARES DOWN at where DR. VENTURE would be.)

MONARCH
What the?!

(MONARCH GASPS.)

MONARCH
Oh. Oh, no, you did not just-- wha--!!

(HE SPUTTERS ANGRILY, then STARTS POUNDING FORWARD AND BACK again.)

MONARCH
No! Say my name! Say my name!!

(CUT to WIDE SHOT - OUTSIDE BEDROOM DOOR. BROCK, still wearing his regular day clothes, STANDS to the LEFT, HANK AND DEAN on the RIGHT, with the DOOR BETWEEN THEM [but nearer to the boys than Brock]. Only light source is the SLIGHT LAMPLIGHT from the other side of the DOOR.)

BROCK
Aren't you two s'posed to be in bed by now?

(HANK AND DEAN BOW THEIR HEADS in shame.)

DEAN
(STAGE WHISPERING)
We're sorry, Brock. We were just--

(HANK LOOKS UP AT BROCK and POINTS TO DEAN, interrupting DEAN'S dialogue.)

HANK
(STAGE WHISPERING)
Dean had something to tell Pop about this one drawing he's got on his Interweb page, and...

MONARCH
(OFFSCREEN, FROM OTHER SIDE OF DOOR)
(SHOUTING)
Say my name! Say my name!!

(QUICK ZOOM IN on BROCK'S FACE as HE GRIMACES in horror. DRAMATIC STING plays, fading out before Brock says his next line.)

BROCK
Oh. Dear. God.

DEAN
(OFFSCREEN)
(NORMAL SPEAKING VOLUME FROM HERE ON)
Oh, I know this one! "The Monarch," right?

(CUT to MIDRANGE SHOT of BROCK WALKING over to HANK AND DEAN. HE LAYS A HAND on EACH BOY'S SHOULDER and TURNS/WALKS THEM AWAY from the DOOR.)

BROCK
Kids, I think what your Dad needs right now is some alone time.

DEAN
But... the picture...!

BROCK
Nothin' you have to worry about, Dean. Maybe it'd be best if you just, uh. Forget about it. And anything else you heard tonight.

(BROCK, HANK, AND DEAN WALK OFFSCREEN.)

BROCK
(UNDER HIS BREATH)
Think we should all just try and forget this... Yeah...

(CUT back to MONARCH, same pose as last time. HE looks FURIOUS, TEETH CLENCHED; HE JERKS TOWARDS the camera with each sentence.)

MONARCH
Say it! Say it! Say it--

DR. VENTURE
(OFFSCREEN)
[strangled moan, peaking off]

(MONARCH goes from ANGRY TO TERRIFIED.)

MONARCH
Hey, you aren't... Hey!!

(HE PROPS HIMSELF UP by STRAIGHTENING HIS ARMS, LOOKING DOWN to where the underside of one arm would be.)

MONARCH
Aaah! You bastard! You got it all over my arm! You [fuck]ing--

DR. VENTURE
(OFFSCREEN, OVER MONARCH'S DIALOGUE)
(SOUNDING PLEASED/CONTENT)
mmnn...

MONARCH
(CONTINUED FROM PREVIOUS LINE)
--ah!

(MONARCH SQUEEZES HIS EYES SHUT, TENSING UP.)

MONARCH
(CRESTING)
Ahhh--!!

(QUICK ZOOM IN on MONARCH'S EYES as they OPEN WIDE. MONARCH looks MORTIFIED. DRAMATIC STING plays and fades before his next line. A dramatic sting... of gayness.)

MONARCH
...oh, [shit]!

(CUT to strategically-framed MIDRANGE SHOT of MONARCH AND DR. VENTURE on the BED. MONARCH BACKPEDALS AWAY from DR. VENTURE'S BODY, LOOKING DOWN to his below-screen genitalia.)

MONARCH
(CRAZED GIGGLING)
And the rubber broke, too... Sweet mercy, I can't believe this...!

(HE BURIES HIS FACE in HIS HANDS, tearlessly CACKLING/SOBBING.)

(CUT to ABOVE POV of MONARCH SITTING on the BED [legs positioned over crotch]; VENTURE is SLUMPED BEHIND HIM, PANTSLESS and SMILING, ass region conveniently hidden behind MONARCH. MONARCH sweeps BOTH HANDS INTO FISTS and RAISES them to SHAKE FISTS OVER HIS HEAD.)

MONARCH
(SHRIEKING [OSCAR-LEVEL DRAMA, HERE])
Doctor Venture gave me The Gay!!

(ZOOM OUT to WIDE SHOT-- NO CHANGE IN POSES OR POSITIONING, just more background around them. JAZZY DRAMATIC STING plays.)

(FADE OUT as the JAZZY DRAMATIC STING fades.)

(FADE IN to VENTURE COMPOUND KITCHEN - INT. - MORNING. SFX: BIRDS CHIRPING. CLOSE SHOT of BROCK STANDING BY THE KITCHEN COUNTER. HIS FACE AND UPPER TORSO are partially HIDDEN by the OPEN NEWSPAPER he's reading. NEWSPAPER HEADLINE reads "MONARCH BACK BEHIND BARS", with "TURNS SELF IN" in smaller print underneath. Also on the front page is a GRAYSCALE PHOTO of THE MONARCH COVERING HIS FACE from the photographers and SOBBING. HOLD THIS SHOT for a moment.)

(ZOOM OUT to WIDE SHOT of the KITCHEN. DR. ORPHEUS SITS in ONE OF TWO CHAIRS at the KITCHEN TABLE; HIS HAND HOLDS THE HANDLE of a MUG set on the TABLE. Another MUG is also on the TABLE, in front of the EMPTY CHAIR.)

(DR. VENTURE WALKS ONSCREEN from the LEFT, carrying a SMALL STACK OF MAIL with him IN ONE HAND. HE SITS DOWN in the EMPTY CHAIR. ZOOM IN to CLOSE SHOT of DR. VENTURE WINCING IN PAIN.)

DR. VENTURE
Oww! Son of a motherf... hmm.

(DR. VENTURE FROWNS, LOOKING over in BROCK'S DIRECTION.)

DR. VENTURE
Brock, could you grab me another pillow?
(TO SELF)
My hemorrhoids've been acting up something fierce these past few days...

(DR. VENTURE LOOKS DOWN at the MAIL. SFX: DR. ORPHEUS SIPPING FROM MUG OFFSCREEN occasionally during DR. VENTURE'S dialogue. DR. VENTURE speaks as he LOOKS AT EACH LETTER, SHUFFLING IT BEHIND the rest of the MAIL once he's seen and spoken about it.)

DR. VENTURE
Let's see. Bill for the teleporter accident... Won a million dollars... Somebody wants money... Bill for renting the clone vats for the boys...

(HE ROLLS HIS EYES.)

DR. VENTURE
...again...

(Right after he flips to the next one, HE SIGHS.)

DR. VENTURE
The I.R.S. is still confused about my brother...

(DR. VENTURE SMILES when he sees the last ENVELOPE. HE SETS DOWN the rest of the MAIL on the TABLE and OPENS the ENVELOPE, TAKING OUT a one-page LETTER.)

DR. VENTURE
Ah-ha! Finally, my clinic results came in!

(DR. VENTURE ADJUSTS HIS GLASSES with ONE HAND, bringing the LETTER CLOSER to HIS EYES with HIS OTHER HAND as he starts reading.)

HANK AND DEAN
(OFFSCREEN)
Dad! Hey, Dad! Hey!

(DR. VENTURE NARROWS HIS EYES and FROWNS, but otherwise DOESN'T MOVE.)

DR. VENTURE
What now, boys?

(CUT to MIDRANGE SHOT of OPEN KITCHEN DOORWAY. HANK AND DEAN'S HEADS PEER OUT from BEHIND THE DOORWAY'S LEFT SIDE. BOTH BOYS SMILE in a trying-to-look-innocent way.)

DEAN
Can we go online again, Pop?

HANK
We already finished listening to our homework!

(CUT to CLOSE SHOT of DR. VENTURE. HE WAVES ONE HAND TOWARDS the KITCHEN DOORWAY as if dismissing them.)

DR. VENTURE
Yes, yes, whatever. Just remember, what did I tell you about e-mailing foreign dignitaries?

(CUT back to HANK AND DEAN.)

HANK AND DEAN
(CHEERILY)
Bomb threats are not a toy!

HANK
Right, Dad!

DEAN
Thanks!

(CUT to MIDRANGE SHOT of KITCHEN DOORWAY FROM OTHER SIDE. HANK AND DEAN are EACH CARRYING a STACK OF DRAWINGS in THEIR HANDS. THE BOYS WALK OFFSCREEN, to the RIGHT.)

DEAN
(OFFSCREEN)
This is gonna be great! Triana's as good as mine!

HANK
(OFFSCREEN)
Naw, Dean, you've got to think bigger than that. I'm gonna have Bill Gates be my newest uncle!

DEAN
(OFFSCREEN, FAINT)
Oh, hi Brock!

(SFX: FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING from OFFSCREEN RIGHT.)

BROCK
(OFFSCREEN)
Hey, boys.

(BROCK WALKS ONSCREEN from the RIGHT, HOLDING a PILLOW.)

(CUT to CLOSE SHOT of DR. VENTURE'S HAND SLAMMING DOWN the LETTER ONTO the KITCHEN TABLE.)

(QUICK ZOOM OUT to a MIDRANGE SHOT of DR. ORPHEUS AND DR. VENTURE at the KITCHEN TABLE. DR. VENTURE looks PISSED OFF. HE GESTURES WITH HIS OTHER HAND towards no one in particular during his next line. While he does so, BROCK WALKS ONSCREEN FROM THE LEFT to SET DOWN the PILLOW on the KITCHEN TABLE to the RIGHT of DR. VENTURE, though DR. VENTURE doesn't seem to notice.)

DR. VENTURE
No, seriously! How the hell could I have picked up herpes and syphilis all of a sudden?! City morgue attendants get more action than I do!

(CUT to MIDRANGE SHOT of BROCK. HE PICKS UP the NEWSPAPER on the KITCHEN COUNTER and OPENS IT again [like in the start of the scene]. SLOW ZOOM IN TOWARDS HIS FACE. HIS EYES STAY CLOSED.)

BROCK
(TO SELF)
Uh-uh. If I bring it up, that means I have to think about it again.

(CUT to MIDRANGE SHOT of DR. ORPHEUS TURNING TO LOOK AT DR. VENTURE. SPOOKY ORPHEUS FANFARE BEGINS.]

DR. ORPHEUS
It is all right, my friend.

(DR. ORPHEUS'S EYES WIDEN. HE quickly SWEEPS BOTH HANDS INTO ARCANE FINGER SYMBOLS BEFORE HIM; HIS CAPE FLARES from the movement.)

DR. ORPHEUS
There is no need to hide behind the cloak of shame!

(DR. ORPHEUS BOWS HIS HEAD, for the next line only.)

DR. ORPHEUS
I, too, have known the surprise and horror of spontaneous eruptions...

(DR. ORPHEUS RAISES BOTH HANDS OVER HIS HEAD and balls them into FISTS, SHAKING THEM AROUND in a TIGHT CIRCULAR MOTION.)

DR. ORPHEUS
Curse you, Las Vegas Board of Advertisement, for your cruel
(ROLLED "R" ON "CRUEL")
lies! Warting of the genitalia does not, in fact, stay within your city, nor any borders of the physical plane!

(SPOOKY ORPHEUS FANFARE STOPS. DR. ORPHEUS LOWERS HIS ARMS and STARES AT DR. VENTURE. QUICK ZOOM OUT to include DR. VENTURE, who STARES BACK AT DR. ORPHEUS flatly.)

DR. VENTURE
Okay, that's two newsflashes I didn't need to hear today.

(DR. ORPHEUS FROWNS and KEEPS STARING. DR. VENTURE LOOKS AWAY from him, then PICKS UP HIS MUG from the KITCHEN TABLE and SIPS FROM IT.)

(END CREDITS: THE MONARCH LEAVES HIS MARK!)

(SCRIPT BY: Apricot the Gerbil)
(VOICE ACTORS AND ANIMATION BY: Inside of Your Head Inc.)
(ACTUAL CHARACTERS AND SETTING BY: Astrobase GO!)
(HEY PLEASE: Don't Sue)
(OR THAT WOULD BE REALLY: Uncool Man)

(STINGER: SPIRAL IN to VENTURE COMPOUND COMPUTER ROOM - INT. - DAY. MIDRANGE SHOT from OVER HANK AND DEAN'S SHOULDERS; the COMPUTER from the opening scene is positioned BETWEEN THE BOYS. HANK AND DEAN WATCH the COMPUTER SCREEN, SCROLLING DOWN through Dr. Venture's website in a BROWSER WINDOW. All the pictures are different from the William Shatner ones seen originally.)

DEAN
(CONFUSED)
How'd all these pictures of Dad and Helper get on here?

(PAN TO THE SIDE, revealing H.E.L.P.E.R. HOLDING a PILE OF DRAWINGS in ITS HAND CLAWS. IT DROPS the PILE OF DRAWINGS and HOLDS ITS HAND CLAWS BEFORE ITS FACE, which BLUSHES RED.)

H.E.L.P.E.R.
[embarrassed "awwww...!" noise]

(COMPANY LOGOS)

---

Finished on May 22, 2005, 10:22PM.
G’night, folks. Remember to tip your modems.
...and no, it’s not a real script.

--Apricot the Gerbil